Two years ago, Gigi our old shih tzu gave birth to 4 puppies and since I was in need of a companion at that time, I told my mom to give me one. I named her Binky, after a reality tv star from “Made in Chelsea” and she became my companion. Unable to have a real one yet, I treated Binky as my baby and gave her all the love she deserved.
People say I spoil her because I buy her clothes, toys and so forth. But Binky was not spoilt. She was a disciplined dog and she was potty trained. She knew how to fetch and I didn’t even try hard to teach her because I just threw her toy many times and she got it, then gave it back to me, each time. She also knew how to walk without a leash, merely following my orders to “go” and “stop” but I did not teach her this, I just tried it one day and was surprised. She was car trained and you can take her anywhere, because she wont poo or pee. If I take her to a friend’s house, she wont make a mess there, she will only do so when we’ve gone out to the street–it is amazing.
In other words, inasmuch as I would like to say Binky is the product of my hardwork, know that I didn’t do much. I was lucky with her because she was kind, loving, smart and entertaining, so it is really a pain for me to accept that my perfect pet (my perfect baby) has left me.
That Fateful Morning
My alarm went off at 6 o’clock that morning but I opened my eyes 30 minutes later. At times I would find Binky still lying beside me or she would be curled like ball in her bed. That morning, she was neither beside me nor in her bed, but I wasn’t surprised because she usually goes down to hangout with manang when she hears her working downstairs.
Anyway, I had just finished reading my daily devotional and I was about to stand-up and as I did I met a frantic manang, with a helpless looking Binky in her arms. “Nakagat sya!” (She got bitten!) And at that I screamed. I was in hysterics and I woke everyone up. At that point I screamed for my sister to get me a pair of shorts (because I slept with long shirt that night) and I remember giving one look at Binky, and I saw her kind eyes, look at me. Within moments I was ready to go and I gestured for manang to follow me but she looked at me and said: “Patay na sya maam” (She’s already dead) and I collapsed on the floor, crying. I remained that way for a while and my sisters tried to calm me down, to no avail. I couldn’t believe it. I slept with Binky beside me and I hadn’t even woken up properly, and I was being told she was gone–forever.
I didn’t know what to do. I was just told that my baby is dead and I felt helpless. That was when I decided I needed to see the owner of the dog that attacked her. I rushed downstairs, I called manang to take me to the house and I gestured for my mom to come with me (I needed her to be my buffer because I was raging and I knew I was going to explode).
When we got there. I found the house maid cleaning the car, the gate open, and I saw the dog cage–the chow chow inside, in another, was a chihuahua. When the maid saw me, I introduced myself and said that I am the owner of the dog that their chow chow attacked and she smiled: “Naka-smile ka?” (Are you smiling?) Maybe that was rude of me but I felt her attitude inappropriate and I was in a desperately furious state. We, then, requested that she call the owner of the house and it took awhile, because they were still asleep. When they finally got out, I began talking to the mother and that talk didn’t go very well. You know, I was aware that talking to them would not exactly bring Binky back, but I desperately wanted them to know that their dog is DANGEROUS and DEADLY. I wanted her to know that there is nothing wrong with walking a dog, it was Binky’s favorite thing to do in the world, but she died because their chow-chow was out of the cage.
I was accusatory. Maybe I was wrong to be so and she immediately got defensive and started to argue with me. “What do you want?” she asked me. And I continued to talk about my frustrations and she asked again “What do you want?” and I screamed in desperation: “Listen to me!” She continued interrupting and that made my heart ache even more so I screamed: “You do not get to talk! Listen to me! I lost my baby, you do not get to talk!” And I broke into tears. At that point I knew it was wrong for me to be there, so I excused myself and told my mom to take over. I turned around and ran back home (passing through the same path that Binky took before she breathed her last breath).
I remember checking the time as I was running back–it was 8 o’clock in the morning. Normally I would just be getting ready for work at eight, but at that day was different from my usual mornings. I knew I wasn’t fit to be a dentist that day so I cancelled my appointments, called my assistant and informed close friends about what had happened. When my mom returned home, it was only then that we realized that manang got bit too and her wounds just started to bleed profusely, so mom rushed her to the hospital to receive shots.
The Deadly Walk
Binky passed away around 7 o’clock, the morning of February 21st. In the mornings my dad usually asks manang to get pandesal and he did that day. Binky loved her morning walks so she usually tags along with Manang. As usual, they walked to the bakery and then walked around the opposite street to go back. As they were walking happily back home, they were unaware that an aggressive (and deadly) chow chow was out of the cage and the house gate was open. The dog went out and without a warning bark or an angry growl, it attacked. They were walking and Binky didn’t even see it coming because she was bit from behind (area of buttocks) and then bit a second time in the chest (the fatal bite). Manang struggled with the dog, got herself bitten as well, and she was screaming for help as she tried to pull Binky away from her attacker, but no one was willing to help. Eventually the maid of the house (owner of the chow chow) came out with a small tub (tabo) of water but it was too late.
As soon as she was able to separate Binky from her aggressive murderer, manang ran back home. She had bloodied Binky in her hands and she ran back home, desperate to take her to me. It was a long walk back and through that stretch Binky was already struggling. She continued to walk and when she got home, she hurried upstairs where I met them. At that moment, she swears that Binky’s breathing ceased and her eyes closed: this means that when I saw her eyes stare at me, we shared one last look and she let go.
My Binky was attacked and she held her breath long enough to say goodbye to me. As an owner (and her mommy) I couldn’t ask for more.
Dogs Are Meant to Be Loved
Dog ownership–this is a thing often confused by many. You see, owning a dog is a big responsibility. It is not merely a CUTE toy or a fun companion. When I made the decision to take Binky from my mom, I thought hard about it because I knew it was going to be hard work and it was. Some people buy expensive dogs because they can afford it but many of these dogs are unloved, caged and deprived. Dogs are meant to be loved. They will love you, unconditionally, but you have to love them too. We have eight dogs at home (minus Binky) and they are all loved immensely so they are kind and gentle.
A friend immediately researched about aggressive dogs the day I broke the news to them. Apparently, dogs are aggressive when they lack exercise and remember that when I saw the chow chow and his companion chihuahua, I found them caged. Now, I do not like to make assumptions, but maybe they stay in the cage almost 100% of the time and get zero exercise. Now this is frustrating. I mean, why have dogs if you can’t take care of them? Why have dogs if you can’t be a responsible owner? Owning a dog is more than just having them–it is really so much more.
Let me remind you that apart from Binky’s death the dog injured our manang and she endured stage three bites (lacerations). We initially spent Php17,000 on shots and medications and she is due for more (total expected at Php25,000). Much could have been avoided if they were responsible owners.There is nothing wrong with walking a dog and Binky was leashed, enjoying her favorite thing in the world, when life was snatched away from her. Is it worth it to have a dog, if even you are frightened of them so you keep them locked in a cage? The owner said it was the first time for the chow chow to do something like that–so how many times does he have to attack before it becomes valid?
Anyway, that day ended with my mom filling a report. We wanted it known that a dangerous and deathly aggressive dog is a threat in the subdivision, so we filed a report. I cannot let anyone go through the same pain I went through. No dog and no person, should be hurt by that chow chow ever again.
One Week After
That was a week ago. Before she died, Binky was with me for two years and two months. I miss her terribly. I have put away her clothes, her bed, her cage, her leash and her toys–I have no use for them anymore. The morning of her death, I asked God why, but even though I did not get an answer yet, I understand that this is all part of God’s plan. To tell you honestly, I am still sad. The day she died, I was devastated and broken, I cancelled all my appointments and I cried until I had no tears left to cry. I am still sad today. I keep on imagining she is still with me and I keep recalling the things we used to do, and it makes me smile. But I can also recall the last look she gave me that morning and it breaks me into pieces. Binky was my baby and I know some people will think it’s weird but she meant so much to me. Her death is too intense and it may be awhile before I would forget her, but I am okay.
You know what, this post was initially titled: “Binky, My Baby”. I had this queued for awhile but it remained unwritten for a long time. When I planned this post more than a month ago, I wanted to talk about how Binky, a hairy dog, is my baby and my love. The night before the accident, I saw it again and realized it was due to be written, so I opened it and began writing–the first sentence of this post is the original sentence I constructed that night, but I stopped and said: “I’ll write this tomorrow”. I knew I wasn’t so hectic in the clinic the next day so I had time to write this… but that, of course, never happened.
It’s quite sad when you think about it, you know? I feel as though I didn’t write it because I was meant to write it THIS WAY. Now I wonder: would I have changed the course of time if I finished the post the night before and it was a jolly one? Deaths are never easy–even deaths of pets. Many of our dogs have died on us already but most of them died of old age or of a sickness, so we got the chance to see them weaken and deteriorate. I was given only ONE LOOK. Binky looked at me, one last time, and she left me. I couldn’t touch her. I couldn’t even look at her injuries–it was too painful, so I just asked them to describe them to me. I wish she died differently, but I knew she had to die this way. God has a reason for this and even though I am sad about her loss I have no regrets because I loved Binky sincerely and during our time together, we had a blast!
I miss you so much Binky. I miss you Beebs, Binks, Binker, Monkey, Mongkaleesh, Mongkonks. Binkaroo, Bunks, Munks–my baby and my princess. I know where you are because they say, “all dogs go to heaven”.
I will love you always…
I have forgiven the owner of the chow-chow for what has happened. I accept that things happen and this did. I would also like you to know that they shouldered all the hospital bills for manang.