about me, in my opinion, love and relationships, music and videos, song in my head

Song In My Head: How Will I Know?


A Whitney Houston fan, I’ve always liked this song, but I was surprised to find out that Sam Smith did an awesome cover of this song in his traditional ballad style of singing. During a leisurely Instagram browsing session I came upon a choreographed dance to the Sam Smith version and I fell in love…

Whitney’s version was upbeat so you get lost in the characteristic 80s rhythm and beat. Sam’s ballad permits you to breathe the lyrics in and I realized that “How Will I Know” is an honest love song, sung by a girl (or guy) who is desperately pleading for an answer.

“How Will I Know”

Oh, it’s you, I know
You’re the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes
Take me to the clouds above
Oh, I lose control
Can’t seem to get enough
When I wake from dream
Tell me is it really love?
How will I know if you really love me?
I say a prayer with every heartbeat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I’m asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if you’re thinking of me?
I try to phone but I’m too shy, can’t speak
Falling in love is all bittersweet
This love is strong. Why do I feel weak?Awake me.
I’m shakin’
Wish I had you near me now
Said there’s no mistakin’
What I feel is really love
How will I know? [4x]
How will I know if you really love me?
I say a prayer with every heartbeat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I’m asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if you’re thinking of me?
I try to phone but I’m too shy, can’t speak
Falling in love is all bittersweet
This love is strong. Why do I feel weak?

If you love me
If you love me not
If you love me
If you love me not



She pleads in utter desperation. Throwing the same question “How will I know”, again and again, longing for an answer. Everyone who’s once fallen in love or found themselves in the brink of doing so, has asked this question. Love is such a complicated thing. Those who decide to meddle with it, often want to be sure.

Once I met a man and I said to him, “You’re too good to be true”, and I was right because soon after, he vanished along with a collection of broken promises. The song starts with the description of some dream boy and like the beginning of any love affair you excitedly assume that what you’re looking at is the man of your dreams. And for a while, it seems like that, and you’re willing to believe it because he takes you on a cloud–only to drop you abruptly. A long time ago I was made to believe that I had a fairytale coming true, but it all ended in an awful nightmare. I don’t know with you, but when you’ve had enough of these bad experiences, you tend to lose faith in the power of the 4-letter word, LOVE. When the word has been pathetically overused and severely abused, how else can you take it seriously?

So it makes so much sense why someone is obsessesed in finding out the truth. “When I wake from dream, tell me is it really love?” Because how can you not wonder when you’ve been hurt before? How can you not care when the wound still hurt deep beneath the scars? Of course you will be careful. Of course you will stand guard. And if there is a way for you to shield yourself from any pain, you will do it.

When you begin to fall in love, you get trapped inside a bottle with your emotions. You get submerged in all your thoughts, you can’t really figure out whether you are elated, anxious, or terrified. It doesn’t matter if the love is strong enough that the butterflies in your stomach are able to lift you up to the skies, because the same love will make you weak. The same love that sends you to bed with a sweet kiss, can rouse you in the middle of the night and leave you tossing and turning. “This love so strong, why do I feel weak?” Weak and numb sometimes. Weak and scared sometimes. Weak and worried that perhaps behind the perfection there is pain to come. Love is, indeed, an effin battlefield. And Whitney fought her way through the loud drum beats of her pop hit, to be able to know, if the love is real. The beauty of the ballad and the quality of Sam Smith’s voice definitely transformed this song, though. Because finally his pleas are heard loud and clear. And you feel his pain everytime he asks, “How will I know?”

But How Do You Know?

When you meet someone for the first time it doesn’t matter which side you’re on, it’s always the best foot forward. You dress to impres–and as it is human nature to survive, you give it your very best shot, even if the version that you give of yourself, is not exactly the genuine picture.

I have a friend who, during courtship, was wooed by a man who seemed like some kind of cassanova. One day he told her to “Pack for a trip” and without knowing where he was taking her she excitedly readied herself for the surprise. Oh it was VIP all the way with rose petals in the bedroom and private candlelit dinners, she was truly impressed, so my friend found no reason not to say “YES”. If only she knew that the same cassanova would tell her to her face, “This relationship, it’s not for keeps. I can’t see myself being with you in the future.” Huh? What the hell was that, right? But of course we’ve all heard different versions of that story… some may have personally happened to you. You meet someone and from all angles he seems perfect–until he isn’t anymore.

So how do you know? Well the truth is that no matter how many times you ask, you will never know. One time I was talking to someone about courtship and he said, “Why do you have to wait to be sure? Can’t you just say ‘yes’ now and fall in love along the way?” And of course that makes sense because with everyone putting their best foot forward in the beginning, you’ll only know for sure, until you take the plunge. And so you jump, knowing that all the time while you swim in the deep sea, you put your life at risk. Despite the assurances you’ll never really feel completely safe because you don’t know where the current will take you. You may drown, you may live,  or worst,  you may find yourself floating aimlessly. “How will I know if you really love me? I say a prayer with every heart beat”.

You won’t know. There is no way to know. So you surrender and just as you always did in the past, you surrender to the feeling and you let it take you where you have to go.

And then you hope…

 photo signature_zpsc51e3bbb.png

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s